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Fishing Reports for the Bay of Quinte
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 Post subject: Automated Urinalysis
PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:15 am 
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Walleye Angler
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Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2003 11:42 am
Posts: 383
Location: North of T.O.
Shopping at Wal-Mart
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."


"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant.Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @Wal-Mart
8)

_________________
Hey Snarf! Is that the Ministry? Mac, wake up!
Another beer, DeProp?

For urine purchase call 1-800-MUX-URIN


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:20 am 
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Walleye

Joined: Mon Apr 28, 2003 10:53 am
Posts: 105
Location: Stoney Creek
Hahah. Good one mux.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 3:08 pm 
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Walleye Master

Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:03 pm
Posts: 1672
Location: Wellington
haha thats funny thx for sharing

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A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 7:50 am 
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Perch

Joined: Tue May 07, 2002 8:56 am
Posts: 43
Location: Trenton
Hey Muxy, try your left hand and stop shopping at Walmart. We'll be down for the opener at Merlands, I'm sure you'll hear us or see the Thundercraft on the water. Jimbo took a pass on the opener and he'll regret it later like I did last year. Are the boys coming down, it looks like a good weekend to camp. Let me know if you are and you can call my cell 613-967-9172 for a pitt stop or check the leader board to see how I'm doing. Hopefully see you guys, Patiooooooooo!!


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