We all need a good chuckle...enjoy "how to start a fight....

moose703 · **Posted:** Thu Nov 17, 2011 2:54 pm

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

________________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_______________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

Moose (Randy)

DanElliot · **Joined:** Mon Apr 08, 2002 8:59 am **Posts:** 4322

A Police STOP at 2 AM
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

Roaster · **Posted:** Thu Nov 17, 2011 5:10 pm

A woman walks out onto the ice and starts drilling a hole to fish when she hears a mans voice say "no fish there!"

She moves over a bit and starts drilling again. "no fish there either" she hears.

She moves one more time, only to hear the same response "no fish there!"

"who are you that you know there are no fish here" she asks.

He replies "I'm the rink attendant"

king · **Posted:** Thu Nov 17, 2011 9:08 pm

FIRST TIME SEX

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents .

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time .

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms . He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour . He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex ..

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack .
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all .

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated .
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head . A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down .

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy .
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious . '

The boy turns, and whispers back,
'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist . '

uglystix · **Joined:** Fri Jan 21, 2011 7:11 pm **Posts:** 235

king .... thats great lol

don-E-bait · **Joined:** Wed Jul 07, 2010 4:13 pm **Posts:** 52

Encore!!!

assmonkey · **Joined:** Sat Feb 06, 2010 9:33 pm **Posts:** 512

A man came home from work to find his wife on the front step with her bags packed. "Just where the hell do you think you're going?!", asks the husband.

" I'm going to Las Vegas", says the wife, "I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free".

The man says, "Wait a minute", and runs inside only to return with his suitcase in hand.

"Where do you think you're going?", asks the wife.

The man looks at her and says, "I want to see how you're going to live on $1,200 a year".

BigMac · **Joined:** Fri Nov 28, 2008 5:18 pm **Posts:** 1383

i love this thread!

QuintePrince · **Posted:** Sun Nov 20, 2011 12:26 am

This one's for Fred Fisher :lol:

It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite

He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck.

Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer.

"Son" he said, "I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?"

The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."

"What was that?" the old man asked.

Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."

"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying."

The boy spat the bait into his hand and said... "You have to keep the worms warm!"

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We all need a good chuckle...enjoy "how to start a fight....

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